playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
