Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Randomize
