There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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