OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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