Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
