Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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