my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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