Apparently you make a good broom.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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