You just made me feel so damn special
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
