you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
