hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
