I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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