i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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