It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
