the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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