Soap is not a condiment
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
