he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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