Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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