I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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