She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
