I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
