The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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