If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
