i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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