I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
