I don't usually arrange sex via text message
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
