You're my little dorito
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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