nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
