Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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