Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
