There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
