I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
