I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
