He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
