It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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