You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
