I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
