Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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