the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
