the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I deserve this hangover.
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