I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
