I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
