If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
