best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
