I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i think i have herpe
just one?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
do herpes really smell.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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