If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
