And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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