you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
