yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
