Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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