Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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