if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
