Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
